The moment I first saw you
From Letters to Baby.*
Thursday, October 22, 2009 {9w1d}
Dear Baby,
I’ve been wanting to start to write to you for awhile now. I’m digging deep, trying to figure out why it’s taken me five weeks to do so (since they day I found out you were inside me, hanging on for dear life… literally), and the best I can come up with is that I have so many things I want to say to you, I don’t know where to start.
I’ve been talking to you in my head this whole time – every single day, every hour and almost every minute – since the moment I spoke those first words directly to you: “Stay with us baby” as I stood in the shower with my hand on my belly, crying, and sneaking peeks out the shower curtain at the pee-stick still sitting on the bathroom counter, just to reassure myself I wasn’t dreaming.
If only I could put a recorder in my head and capture all those random things I’ve been telling you. Then again, it would take a lifetime to hear them all, wouldn’t it? And you will have your own life to live with lots of things to do in it and lots of things to be.
One week ago exactly, I saw you for the first time. Your aunt Jesse came with me to my first ultrasound appointment but the moment I first saw you, I was alone in the room with the technician. She found you right away and showed you to me so I could calm down and not imagine all sorts of scary things while she swooshed her wand around and took measurements. “See, there’s baby right there, and there’s the heartbeat right there and everything is perfect and wonderful and you have nothing to worry about.”
Seeing you was a turning point for me. I don’t know how to explain it except that it was like a tsunami wave of joy engulfed me and I felt like I must have glowed in the dark. There was something actually inside of me. There was actually a baby inside of me. YOU were inside of me. This is actually happening.
Now that I’ve started this never ending letter to you, I feel the words tumbling out all in a rush and I know I could go rambling on and on like this for some time. But I’ll stop for this evening because now I know it’s going to be ok – the words will come and even if they’re not the same words that were going through my mind as I walked to work or daydreamed at my desk or smiled over before I fell asleep, they’re just as important.
I will never run out of things to tell you. Time, maybe – mine and yours, but not things. You’re a part of me. An extension of me. Maybe you hear them anyways, even if I don’t write them down.
Love,
Mama
*I have a private place where I’ve been writing letters to our baby. This is an excerpt.
My name is Kasia Fink and nothing makes me happier than finding goodness. This is a collection of my findings... I mean, finkings.
That was so beautiful; it put tears in my eyes :) Congratulations again, I’m so so happy for you!
That put tears in my eyes as well! Congratulations again! :)
What a lucky baby that will be! Thank you for sharing that, it is really beautiful. :o)
That is so sweet! I’ve so enjoyed reading Jenna/That Wife’s letters to her baby, and I’m looking forward to more of your’s! Congratulations again!
Awww… that is so sweet. :)
Wow. What a special time for you!
How nice to have a picture of that moment! I remember tearing up when we first saw that tiny heartbeat — think the hubby did too.
And I’m with you on the letters. I try to write one for each “month birthday”, but I feel like they have to be monumentally poetic to match how much she means to us, and then I get writer’s block and can’t write anything at all. Too much pressure!
Aw Mama-to-be that is sooo awesome. You put a smile on my face :)
Very sweet entry. Lucky baby.
Ps. Love the congrats cards- they’re adorable.
awww! what a sweet post. you’re going to be the best mama!
Letters to baby make me so happy. And that first picture is super cute!
Aww-very sweet letter. Although I knew I was preggo super early 11dpo), it didn’t seem really until we were able to see our babe on a 12 week ultrasound…I *heart* u/s technology!
Awww, you are already such a great mama! Reading this gave me goosebumps :) Makes me that much more excited for when we get to start trying.
Congrats!!!! And the letters to baby are such a great idea! I have a book that my mom wrote to me in starting right after I was born, up through high school. It is the most amazing thing to read through!